Victimhood Is Ego Heroin
How to unstick yourself and enjoy your life again after going through a really hard time.
Victimhood is ego heroin. And you’ll stay addicted as long as you keep mainlining it.
Kathleen wrote to me after leaving her husband of 33 years. He had cheated the whole time.
She finally got out and she was heartbroken, couldn’t see a future, and told me she had “a lot of damage” to work on.
As a result, she got to tell herself, “poor, sad me” and “I would never have treated him this way” at the same time.
That combination, the self-pity and the self-righteousness together, is what was fueling her unhappiness.
As my mentor Homer McDonald would put it, it’s the shame and guilt with the ego stroke of feeling superior that keeps the victim mentality locked in place.
And along with that comes the assumption that THIS situation is permanent. That it means something about who she is and what she can expect from here on out.
“I don’t see any hope of finding healthy relationships in the future. I have a lot of damage.” That’s the self-pity dance in action, and it keeps people stuck and still “healing” from a divorce that happened years ago.
She left her husband imagining she’d be happier. She wasn’t. That’s because she upgraded her life without upgrading what she believed about herself. New circumstances, same old mental software.
If you run Windows 95 on brand new equipment, you’re still going to have a bad time.
The way out isn’t more “processing.” It’s realizing you’re a different version of yourself now. And now...
How you pass the time while you get there, therapy, Byron Katie’s The Work, going on dates, whatever, matters less than actually making the decision.
Kathleen stayed in a marriage she wasn’t happy in for 33 years. That takes patience. She raised children and built a life. She has a successful track record of creating things that didn’t exist before.
Someone else would be thrilled to have gotten away from that with a clean slate. That possibility is available to her too.
To feel more loved and connected anytime you want, check out The Love Magnet Meditation.
I originally made it so I could attract romantic love, but it became something so much more useful.
The year I became my husband's emotional support animal
I mothered my ex-husband right out of our marriage.
If you’re feeling stuck, take The Mirror Assessment.
It’s simple five minute diagnostic that shows the pattern currently hijacking your attention so you can stop pouring energy into the wrong fix.
Don’t waste your time and energy fixing a bunch of stuff that doesn’t matter. It’s 100% free.
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