Why You Should Think Twice Before Reaching Out to Your Ex
Respecting his no was part of loving him
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Years ago, after we had been dating for 7 months, my partner decided he needed to deal with some serious personal problems alone.
He meant “alone” with a capital A.
No relationship, no contact. We were done.
Over the following months, one by one my friends made reasonable and compelling cases for why I should reach out and check in.
Why I should offer support from one human being to another. And I understood the argument. I just couldn’t make myself do it.
Here’s the thing: I want a full relationship with this man or nothing. I cannot downgrade my feelings for him into friendly caring about “how things are going.”
Pretending I could offer support without hoping for more would have been lying to myself, which is something I’m done doing.
You can’t abandon someone who told you clearly to go away. That is not a thing. Continuing to try and “help” someone who does not want your help is not helpful.
I respect him more than I want to decide for him what he needs.
In all of those nightmare scenarios my friends said, “what if he needs someone to talk to, what if he’s barely holding it together,” all of that might have been true. It’s also not my job.
Those are fear talking. And fear-based reasoning has never once gotten me anywhere worth going.
Sometimes the highest level of love and caring you can give someone is to respect their wishes.
There is a time to not take no for an answer, and there is a time to back off, sit down and shut up.
My acceptance doesn’t make me an uncaring monster. It just meant I loved myself and respected him more than I thought it was worth forcing him to have me in his life if he didn’t want that.
He eventually reached out once he solved his own problems.
It took a long time but we got back together. Over 10 years later, we’re still going strong. I’m still glad I never made that call.
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P.P.S. To feel more connection anytime you choose, check out The Love Magnet Meditation.
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