This Is Like Wearing Love Repellent

And the time I wore devil horns and a cape on a third date

Jul 30, 2026

The feeling of actually having something is invisible, because there is no lack around that thing.

You aren’t worried about running out of air when you have plenty of it. You don’t get a new teakettle and then lie awake wondering if it’s going to disappear.

The “thing” (whatever it is) is just a normal part of life, and so there’s no charge around it.

That feeling of ease and certainty about having something is the exact feeling that attracts love and keeps it coming.

Anxiety does the opposite. And I know that’s not a fun thing to hear, because there are so many shades of fear.

But fear is an emotion, not a character flaw.

The secret the panicked body doesn’t bother to share is that after the original bit of fright— ongoing gnawing dread is very unhelpful.

Because relationships feel less solid than objects, humans do this wacky dance constantly. Do they love me? Are they going to leave? Why did they say that? What does it mean?

And the more we circle around the potential bad outcome, the more it’s fed by focus.

Abraham-Hicks has a story about this. The more you stress about getting tabasco in the pie you’re making, the more likely you are to end up with tabasco in your pie.

The problem isn’t that you have tabasco somewhere in the kitchen. It’s that you couldn’t get your mind off it.

I wore devil horns and a cape on a third date once. We were seeing Rocky Horror at midnight, which still doesn’t fully explain the outfit, because most people don’t dress like Halloween monsters to watch Rocky Horror.

But 18-year-old me was not worried about driving men away for being bizarre. I wasn’t worried about approval, so I got plenty of it. A few years later, he proposed.

The insecurity around lovability is usually what pushes love away and makes it incredibly hard to experience in the moment.

The same internal voice that says, “they’re going to find out about this thing and leave” or “they’re already on their way out” tends to create the whole internal horror show it’s meant to warn about.

Most people are far more lovable than they show, but they hide who they actually are because they’re afraid it’ll get rejected.

Except... worrying about rejection is kind of like pre-grieving someone who hasn’t died yet. All the heavy emotion in advance without reality to provide perspective.